Below you’ll find the show notes for episode 81, Mother’s Day and Women’s Ministry: Navigating Challenges with Compassion and Sensitivity, from the Women’s Ministry Toolbox Podcast.
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Mother’s Day and Women’s Ministry: Navigating Challenges with Compassion and Sensitivity
As has been the case with most of these recent blog posts in the Hot Topics and Hot Takes series, I’m asking you and your team to consider the women who feel (and may very well be) overlooked at your church.
Today I want to talk about Mother’s Day Events.
Before I dive in too deep, I want to share my personal experience with women’s ministry Mother’s Day events and activities. I have attended churches that gave out a gift to every woman in attendance, I’ve helped plan women’s ministry events centered around Mother’s Day, but I’ve also attended churches that have chosen not to host a Mother’s Day event.
I thought it best to do a little research on the history of Mother’s Day. I admit, I expected to find secular roots that connected to greeting card and floral companies.
What is the history of Mother’s Day?
According to History.com “Celebrations of mothers and motherhood can be traced back to the ancient Greeks and Romans, who held festivals in honor of the mother goddesses Rhea and Cybele, but the clearest modern precedent for Mother’s Day is the early Christian festival known as ‘Mothering Sunday.’
Once a major tradition in the United Kingdom and parts of Europe, this celebration fell on the fourth Sunday in Lent and was originally seen as a time when the faithful would return to their “mother church”—the main church in the vicinity of their home—for a special service.
Over time the Mothering Sunday tradition shifted into a more secular holiday, and children would present their mothers with flowers and other tokens of appreciation. This custom eventually faded in popularity before merging with the American Mother’s Day in the 1930s and 1940s.”
While there is a connection to Christianity, it’s not one that we traditionally associate with Mother’s Day here in the United States.
That brings me to ask, does hosting an event or activity focused on Mother’s Day line up with your women’s ministry mission statement?
Is there a clear and easy answer or are you forcing a connection? Is there another ministry in your church, perhaps your children’s ministry, that should be hosting a Mother’s Day event, if you’re going to have one, instead?
I’m always thinking in terms of good, better, best. Is this the best use of your resources and time? Is this the best way to serve and support the women in your church? I can’t answer those questions, only you can, but I hope to present some points in this post for your team to discuss.
Here are 5 potential problems with Mother’s Day events:
- Not all of our women are mothers. Yes, I’ve heard the argument that everyone has a mother, not everyone has had a positive maternal influence in their life. The mere thought of honoring their mother would keep them away from your event.
- There are women in your church who are desperate to be mothers. From infertility to singleness, to miscarriage, to a spouse with no desire for a family, there are women in your church for whom the very thought of motherhood is unbelievably painful.
- You may be rubbing salt in the wounds of a difficult mother/child relationship. Consider the stepmom, the mother whose children have been taken from her. The mother who is or was physically, emotionally, or mentally abusive. Mothers of special needs children who will never have an empty nest. Mothers who aborted their child.
- Many events are marketed as “Mother/Daughter” events. As a mom of two boys, I can tell you, this leaves me feeling overlooked.
- We’re all “spiritual mothers”. Well, yes, there is a goal of every woman discipling someone spiritually younger, most churches are struggling to find women willing to disciple or mentor others.
Consider all of the women in your church who feel overlooked on Mother’s Day. Everywhere they turn for weeks leading up to the day they are reminded of the women for whom Mother’s Day is a celebration. What are we to do with that?
What is a leader to do?
Let’s look at scripture.
What does the Bible say:
- Biblically there’s no mandate to hold a Mother’s Day event.
- Deuteronomy 5:16 and Ephesians 6:2 command us to honor our mothers and fathers.
- A woman’s value in the eyes of God is not dependent on having children.
What should your women’s ministry team do?
Every church situation is unique. What works one year may not work the next.
Let me throw out some ideas for you to consider.
3 Options for Women’s Ministry and Mother’s Day
As I see it, you’ve got basically three choices. T
1. You can host a Mother’s Day event. Just take into consideration, please, the things that we have talked about.
If you’re looking for ideas or icebreaker games for your Mother’s Day event, you’ll find many on the this website. As a matter of fact, if you’re thinking of hosting a table event or a tea, you’ll find lots of tips on the here.
2. Don’t host a women’s ministry event at all in the month of May. As you look at your church calendar and your school calendars and consider everyone’s schedules, maybe, may, it’s full enough between Mother’s Day, graduations, and school, possibly getting out depending on the area where you live.
3. Host an event, but don’t connect it to Mother’s Day. For example, this year, our women’s ministry team has decided that we’re going to attend a workshop that’s being hosted at another church in our town. That’s on biblical theology, and it’ll be tracing themes through scripture from Genesis through revelation.
It’s going to be a very equipping and encouraging event. We’ve bought a group of tickets so that our women can go together.
Mother’s Day Sacred Cows
If you’re in a church where the Mother’s Day Tea has become a sacred cow, that’s a little trickier.
I’d strongly suggest having a conversation with the pastor who oversees the women’s ministry program to come up with the best way forward for your church. That might mean pressing pause for a year and then reassessing the need. It could mean you host the event, but you change the focus. Your Children’s Director may want to take over this event.
Note: You’ll find more information and help in tackling sacred cows in my book, Rethinking Women’s Ministry.
Mother’s Day Recognition During the Service
Some churches go all out on Mother’s Day and recognize the oldest mother, the youngest mother, the mother with the most children, and the grandmother with the most grandchildren with applause or gifts.
While I know the intention is never to cause pain, it can help your church staff to hear what women who struggle with Mother’s Day think and feel about this practice. Could there be a better way to honor these mothers that minimize the potential of hurting some of the women in your church?
I’m not saying silence is the answer either.
The church we attend has wished mothers a Happy Mother’s Day from the pulpit, but they also verbally acknowledge that this is a hard day for many women and men. Both of those thoughts were reflected in the prayer that was shared.
Today’s Toolbox Tasks:
- If your women’s ministry usually plans a Mother’s Day event or activity discuss if it’s the best thing for the women in your church.
- If needed, brainstorm ways you can honor the mothers in your church while also honoring those who struggle with Mother’s Day.
Here’s what I hope you’ll remember:
- Not every woman in your church is a mother.
- Compassion is key to Mother’s Day celebrations.
- Be sensitive and consider those for whom Mother’s Day is difficult.
- Make certain every woman knows that she is complete and is valued by God, whether or not she is a mother.
I pray God will give your team wisdom and discernment to know how best to proceed or not proceed with Mother’s Day events or activities.
You may also want to explore:
Women’s Ministry Mother’s Day Ideas
Mother’s Day Left Right Story
Mother’s Day Game: Pass the Package
The Gift of No Dishes: Mother’s Day Version
How to Host a Women’s Ministry Tea
Table Event: Hostess Responsibilities
Table Event: Planning Teams
Table Event: Planning Timeline
Women’s Ministry Event Planning Course
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