Perhaps you’ve noticed a drop-off in the attendance of your women’s ministry events.
Maybe the Bible studies that once drew women in abundance are all but limping along.
Across the country and around the world women are leaving their local church and joining online Christian communities in large numbers.
The number of online ministries, online Christian book clubs, and online Bible studies is staggering!
A quick search on Facebook shows:
- Over 388,000 women follow the Proverbs 31 Ministries online Bible study.
- Women’s Bible Café Studies have almost 10,000 women enrolled.
- Over 30,000 women signed up for the online Daniel Prayer Bible study this summer.
And those are just the Bible studies!
While we struggle to attract women to women’s ministry events, online ministries for women are flourishing.
So why are women leaving the physical church and heading online?
And how do we stop this mass exodus?
We must look at the reasons why women are leaving, address them, and make any needed changes so women aren’t running away from but to the local church.
Here are 10 reasons why women are leaving the physical church for online ministry and how we can start making changes to stop the exodus.
1. Women have been hurt by church members.
Problem: Whether it be an issue of gossip, a snarky attitude, hypocrisy, or some kind of snub, wounded women are seeking safe places.
Solution: We must lead by example and teach our women to love one another, offer forgiveness, and seek restoration.
2. Efforts to serve or lead have been rebuffed.
Problem: Many women are eager to serve and even lead, but churches and women’s ministries often make it difficult to become involved. Opportunities aren’t advertised, volunteer training is lacking, and the desire for control is so strong others are intentionally locked out.
Solution: When a woman volunteers, say “Yes!” and put her to work ASAP. Offer regular training for all of your volunteer roles. Encourage your team to reach out into the church body in search of volunteers. Far too many ministry teams do it all themselves.
3. Women’s ministry events and activities are offered primarily during the daytime.
Problem: Bible study is only offered during the daytime while many women work. A lack of childcare can be a problem for those who are at home with their children (whether young or homeschooled).
Solution: Easily remedy this situation by offering Bible study in the evening. Far too many churches have been slow to meet the needs of working women. Survey your women to find out what times/days there are available. Offer childcare for children of all ages.
4. Freedom from conviction.
Problem: Online interactions allow women to pick and choose what they share. Don’t want someone to see that sin you’re struggling with? Hide it. If they want to have their ears tickled with partial, omitted, or twisted scripture it’s there for the taking.
Solution: We must allow the Holy Spirit to convict. We need to be open about our own faults and struggles. When God prompts us to confront (and only then) we must do so in the most loving way possible (never publically). We must teach our women the Truth.
5. Condemnation for a committed or perceived sin.
Problem: Churches can be ruthless when it comes to offering grace and restoration. Divorced? You may be shunned. Had an abortion? You may be shamed. Struggle with a mental illness? You’re not praying hard enough. Had an affair? You need to leave.
Solution: We’ve got to put a stop to women slapping labels on one another. We must not tolerate gossip of any kind. We must ask God to help us to see past the outer actions to the heart of our women. We must never belittle, condemn, or even joke about an area one of our women may struggle with. We must love them where they are at, pray for God to bring awareness, and help them (when asked) to overcome their stumbling block.
6. Cliques
Problem: Women’s ministries are notorious for being cliquey. If you’re not part of the “in group” you feel slighted. Inside jokes just add to the exclusivity.
Solution: Gently and lovingly force your women to interact with one another outside of their clique. An easy way to do so is to regularly use icebreaker games. As they find women with which they share common interests their circle (Lord willing) will widen. Harness the power of a small group. Ditch the large group Bible study format for smaller discussion groups (pray and pull names). Shuffle your women at women’s ministry events during the discussion portion – add a discussion portion if there isn’t one.
7. Lack of depth.
Problem: Women want meat. They want to be challenged. They don’t want fluff or feel good studies and events (not really).
Solution: Get serious about the content and take the focus off the décor. Choose studies that have women digging deep into God’s Word. Offer practical training on how to mentor, share the Gospel, or pray. Every event should align with your mission statement – if not, rework it or throw it out.
8. Little to no time to share.
Problem: Many women want to talk. They want to share what’s going on in their lives and they want to talk about what they are learning. Online that is easy to do. In real-life many of our women’s ministry events are structured like a college lecture. Discussion is usually relegated to the end and is often cut short.
Solution: Build your events AROUND discussion. Set up tables with chairs instead of rows. Prepare questions in advance. Train discussion group and table leaders to keep the conversation moving and on topic while following the leading of the Holy Spirit. If you’re going to have a speaker, request discussion questions and plan time for the women to talk through what they have just heard and learned. Discussions help solidify the information they’ve just received. Challenge your women with application questions.
9. Looking for specific help with an issue.
Problem: Your church doesn’t offer a ministry that caters to their specific need – step-parenting, divorce, abortion, depression, autism, widows, single moms, unequally yoked, caring for aging parents, cancer, etc.
Solution: Partner with other churches or organizations in your area. Check out Divorce Care. Know what ministries you can refer women to so they can receive in-person mentoring and support. If there’s a big need in your church, then speak with your Pastoral staff about launching a ministry to address those needs.
10. Women are tired of being made to wait.
Problem: If women miss the start date of a Bible study or small group they are often made to wait until the next study or group begins. This could mean they have to wait MONTHS to get plugged in. Women don’t want to wait to connect and study – and chances are they won’t. Online ministries and studies provide opportunities for them to jump in anytime they are ready. And they are welcomed warmly.
Solution: We need to keep the door open. Let women come to Bible study even if there’s only a week or two left. God will use the time they do have with your women to build relationships. We know that God’s Word does not return void – they will learn something even if they didn’t start at the beginning. Make it known that women are welcome to join at any time. Women aren’t going to open a door that appears locked.
Please hear my heart on this, I’m not saying all online ministry is bad. There are many effective, helpful ministries that serve a real need.
What I am saying is it’s time we pull our heads up out of the sand and acknowledge that women are leaving the church in record numbers. We must examine why and address the reasons if we’re going to stop the mass exodus.
Online ministries know the local church is lacking and offer an alternative to those who are hurt, waiting, and longing for a place in which they feel loved and accepted.
It’s time we do what we can to make the church the place women want to be – while at the same time being what they need us to be.
In what way(s) do you think God may be calling your ministry to make changes so women will seek out the local church first?
You may also want to read:
10 Ways We Unknowingly Hurt Women in the Church
How do we keep cliques from harming our ministry?
One year ago: 5 Ways to Keep Absent Team Members in the Loop
Two years ago: Tips & Tools for Bible Study and Small Group Leaders
Three years ago: How can we keep cliques from harming our ministry?
Four years ago: How to Frustrate Your Women’s Ministry Team
Anna D. says
I think the church misses the huge amount of unpaid work that women do ????
Cyndee Ownbey says
Anna, yes, unfortunately, that’s often true…
RJ says
Absolutely. Women do all the work and get no respect or gratitude for anything. That’s how churches operate, unfortunately.
Cyndee Ownbey says
RJ, I am so sorry this has been your experience. Thankfully not all churches are like that. And even when they are, we must remember we do what we do because we love the Lord, not because of any recognition or accolades we receive here on earth. Our obedience to what God has called us to do is what matters most. I pray you’ll rediscover the joy of serving the women in your church. Feel free to contact me directly if I can help. PS/I chose to remove one word from your comment rather than delete it.
Robin says
I have a different experience I wanted to share here. I was a social recluse for several years, and face-to-face Bible studies were just too much for me. I’d start, only to stop as women began to get to know me. Online studies were my saving grace and the tool God used to allow me to ‘fellowship’ from the safety of my home and the anonymity of a computer screen. I was able to share honestly, to offer words of encouragement, insight and prayer to others, and learn what community looked like. A year later…I’ve attended four ‘live’ Bible studies and am now leading a study on the book of Acts! That’s what brought me back to this site. (I used to read the articles with a prayer that someday I’d be able to put them into practice and I’m in joyful tears as I write this!) I’ve been open with my church about what I went through, and we’re being intentional about being a safe place for those who struggle like I did. My church offered two online groups this summer as part of our lifegroups and they’ve been received well. I just wanted to offer a different perspective!
Cyndee Ownbey says
Robin, thank you for sharing your experience! I am so thankful God is using your experiences to create a safe place for those who are struggling. I pray they’ll see you as an example!
Ramona Whitaker says
I think churches are beginning to realize that their free housekeepers,babysitters,cooks,and dishwashers are rapidly disappering.
Inkling says
Trying to enter into a church body as a newbie that has already established, close, long term relationships is super tough. Being an older mom of a young child in a community where most moms of young children are more than a decade younger than me also makes it tough to find my niche. Being a homeschooling mama of one child (secondary infertility is just so fun, not), also makes me the odd mama out in a place where most of the kids go to the local Christian school, mamas have multiple kids close together, and nothing is offered for homeschooled kids. Even BSF was something I had to quit when I no longer had a place to send my child, since the school age program was only offered in the evening men’s group. Their children’s ministry was amazing, and I was asked to help with it, but honestly, it’s the ONE day of the week when I’d like to be around adults. I’m around my own child 24/7, and while I loved teaching other people’s children in my 20’s and 30’s, teaching my own is more than enough in this season of life. I moved here with great gifts, many years of service with solid training and a pretty cool track record of ministry experience, and was told no to every single area of service and gifting I offered. After 8 years of no’s, we were actually told we were “blessed to go” by one pastor’s wife, which led to a season of being too wounded to even go to church and eventually led us to try a new place. The new place is wonderful, but super hard to really feel a sense of belonging without years of working at building relationships. Finding a place of service there that doesn’t include working in children’s ministry hasn’t panned out yet. I long to know and be known, but after 11+ years, it is still an uphill journey. As the fall ministry season approaches, I keep asking myself if it’s worth trying again to find deep connection and belonging in my local community (BSF or church), or if I’m just too weary of how super structured, awkward, and lonely it is. I would love it if someone would invite me out for coffee without me being the one taking the initiative, find out what I have to offer, and then invite me to work with a team in a way that allows me to bring to the table all the things I’ve wanted to bring for so long.
Cyndee Ownbey says
This breaks my heart…we left a church about 8 months ago. I can totally relate to being shut out of “established, close, long term relationships”. I am thankful your new place is wondering and am praying you’ll find a place to serve where you can use the gifts God has given you. I, too, have just gotten tired of trying… (If you live near Charlotte, NC connect with me and we will go have coffee!) Praying for God to open hearts and doors and for you to not just survive, but thrive in this season even as dry as it may feel. Please connect with me via FB or email (cyndeeATwomensministrytoolboxDOTcom) if you want to talk. I know all to well what you’re going thru and in many ways I’m still right there with you…
Sandra says
This is a definite concern for Women’s Ministries. Your 10 points are true with 1,2 & 6 being the ones I have encountered most often. Modern technology has made it so easy to detach ourselves from personal contact. Even our pastor is using texting with members most all of the time instead of talking with them personally. We are loosing the relationships and communication that we desperately need.
Cyndee Ownbey says
Sandra, I so wish these weren’t true! Praying for change! Thanks for your comments.
Laura says
Oh Linda, This is something else i just remembered, teaching children hymns and psalms will give them a love for them. Our girls remarked just the other day they wished our church would sing more hymns. They learned them at home and at BSF. Blessings!
Laura says
Prayer for God’s provision for hearts desire to teach the little ones is essential. Child care is such an important component of bible studies for women and that the children would be treated to some God centered routine as well. One that involves prayer, songs, object lesson , scripture memory with games & stickers, a story, interactive review and small snack. This is a way to pour into the children lives and rewarding for the ministry helpers. Women’s ministry would benefit to have a team in place for this before taking on the bible study or other ministry focus. The BSF children’s model is excellent and our kids have loved it and learned so much. I have volunteered many times in the children’s program and it has always given me a sense of the depth of God’s love for caring for our kids souls. If this is too daunting, then music or stories read aloud or on CD while the children are given an art project that has to do perhaps with the passages of scripture the women are studying, or the child’s favorite verse. Regardless of what your women decide to do for your children, kids are so drawn to God through us when we can give up our wants and wear His love for them. Hope this was helpful.
Cyndee Ownbey says
Laura – thank you for sharing so many excellent ideas for childcare! What a great opportunity we have to love those children and share Jesus with them. Joining you in a prayer for provision! <3
Linda says
Many of these reasons have “hit the nail on the head.” However, the solutions are not always an easy fix. Childcare has been a giant problem for our small church. We have prayed and “beat the bushes as well ” but to no avail! We have money in the budget, but no willing hands. Then there is the issue of doing background checks which we would do IF we could find someone. This has been our persistent problem for years!
Cyndee Ownbey says
Linda – You are absolutely right! Most of these solutions are not easy fixes. As for the childcare issue, I’ve been in your shoes and it is a hard and frustrating place to be. I hope you saw Laura’s suggestions and sweet prayer for provision. One thing that did work for us was to call other churches to see if their childcare workers would be interested in working for us as well (assuming our studies met on another day). MOPS programs can be another source of good childcare workers. If a local church has a MOPS program you can call and ask they share your need with their workers. We’ve also used older homeschool students (partnered with an adult). Praying God will provide!